I remember a sunny Sunday morning drinking a coffee in a beautiful cafe In Bucharest looking at my kids playing with my husband. I was completely burned out from caring for two young children, working, maintaining the household, and struggling to hold it all together. I could barely keep my eyes open. I didn’t dare look in the mirror before leaving the house. The question that crossed my mind was:
”What about me?”. ”Do I like myself?” Of course not. Then what should I do?
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I took a big breath and, at my wit’s end, determined I must start doing something for myself today. I asked a friend, who then asked another friend, whether they knew a personal coach who might help me get out of my hole. And this was my beginning. This was the turning point in my life because I had the courage to admit I was not okay.
I am wondering how often mums asked themselves who takes care of them.
The first thing I did was to organize myself better, learn how to put priorities, and healthy limits on the kids and say NO. It took me almost 2 years. You may say it was a long time, but
‘consistency is the mother of mastery’.
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Then, little by little other good things started to happen in my life as I saw the difference between who I was before and who I’ve become. And this is because I wanted to be ‘me’ again and take care of myself and put myself in the first place. I did not want to justify my existence and make myself valuable via my children. It was about me, my health, my future, and my career.
Why do you think I want to write this?
Because any mother who feels stuck should begin to ask herself, “Why do I feel this way?” And don’t tell me you run out of time to do this. You don’t have time because you don’t really want to have it or because you believe this is unimportant and do not make it a priority.
You either follow the crowd or avoid the truth you are unwilling to accept, that you need directions.
Researchers say that women today are less content than they were forty years ago. Why? Theories vary, but I strongly believe a lack of “me-time” is a significant factor. A degradation cycle occurs. We keep taking from ourselves without putting anything in return. And this is the main reason for burnout.
If your glass was full of energy, sleep and love, you would feel happier inside your heart.
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So how did I take care of myself? Here are some self-care steps
- One year ago I decided o I will have 3 workouts per week in the evenings. One of the best decisions for my body, for my self-trust and confidence. Let alone the benefits I see together with my husband 🙂
- I wake up half an hour earlier than the rest of the house to have time to breathe and set the intentions for the day
- my work hours are only during school hours
- I take self-development courses
- bedtime is 10:00 pm
- Going out with friends twice per month
- meal planning for one month for the entire family and all the school-packed lunches. (read my article about meal planning here)
- only 1 hour/day TV, tablets for the kids after school
And you can do it too!
In my opinion, every woman is the pillar of the family because she keeps a healthy family. That’s why self-care is absolutely crucial and non-negotiable!
Getting enough sleep, taking care of our basic needs, building personal limits and boundaries and being honest with our relationships, are basics we need to make our health and wellbeing a non-negotiable priority.
Love and care for the family should not prevent one from loving oneself.
It is rightly said- ‘Love thyself to Love others!’
Moreover, as a mum, you will lead by example! You will show your kids what self-respect looks like as kids learn everything from their parents.
I do not want to teach my kids to put their needs last, do you?
So, how about you honey? What do you intend to do for yourself before the end of the year?
Love,
A.
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p.s. This article is not intended as a perfect recipe, it’s just what worked for me and something with which I can help you too in my capacity as Women’s Champion so if you want to work together to put yourself first let me know. Write to me in the comments what is your biggest challenge as a parent right now?
